You're Not a Failure if You Get a Divorce
Author: CarolCavanaugh Total views: 13 Word Count: 500
No matter what the situation, no matter who is leaving whom, divorce makes a person feel like something major has failed. When you stand up in front of a pastor and promise to stay together through sickness and health until death do you part, and that promise gets broken in some way, it is a bad feeling.
A process of healing and recuperation does follow divorce, but often a period of grief precedes this process; especially if the divorce is long overdue. Most people are vulnerable during this process as it takes time to be completely healed. During this time, one must refrain from participating in stressful activities in order to allow healing to do its perfect work.
This is not a good time to take up a new relationship because at this point, the divorced person has not truly separated from the ex-partner psychologically-the classic rebound relationship happens when people find new partners too soon after the divorce. This can add to the grief and emotional difficulty.
The key to dealing with divorce in the long run is to make the experience of grief and hurt actually stand for something-learning. Without developing insight into what the problems of the relationship were that led to the divorce, no matter who had the primary issues, people are likely to repeat the psychological dynamics. For example, a person who leaves a violent relationship should be getting out of that kind of situation, but is at risk for getting into another violent relationship.
Sometimes an insightful counselor, church pastor, or good friend can really help with the exploration of the kinds of things that happened in the relationship as it was beginning and as it progressed. It would be good to look at the signs that things were wrong back when they might have been changeable. For example, when a person feels consistently disrespected in a relationship, the chances are the disrespect began happening early in the relationship and was tolerated rather than dealt with. A person who listens well and is wise can help with figuring out what could have been done besides just allowing the disrespect.
Another good strategy is to write in a journal. Writing is a great way to explore feelings and to reconsider events that have happened. There are good self-help books that can inspire journal writing and provide opportunities for figuring out the things that went wrong. Find a nice blank book for your journal or just use an old spiral notebook-whatever inspires you.
Divorce does not have to be the end of your story. As a matter of fact, those that marry again are often happier in their second marriage, especially if their first relationship was based on immaturity or infatuation. However, one can not enjoy true happiness in a second marriage unless they learn from the mistakes of their first marriage. Taking the proper prevention measures will keep you from dealing with divorce again.
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About the Author
The quest for a collaborative family law attorney in Austin Texas is much easier when you go to Austin Divorce Help. If you need to learn the basics of divorce, you can watch the Austin Texas divorce attorney workshop online on your own time.
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